And The Criminal Of The Week Award Goes To...

Police: Southwest Side store robber shoots himself in foot and gets stabbed, arrested

THE BLOTTER - Chicago. IL
12:15 PM CDT, August 26, 2008

A robber's plans to hold up a Southwest Side convenience store Monday afternoon took a different turn: The robber shot himself in the foot, got stabbed by a store employee and ended up in police custody at a city hospital, Chicago police said.

The botched robbery attempt unfolded around 3 p.m. Monday at Brighton Mini Mart, 2532 W. 47th St., when two men entered the store and one pointed a handgun at the owners and demanded cash, police said.

As the assailants made their demands, a 24-year-old employee at the store resisted the armed man, who, during the struggle, accidentally shot himself in the foot. The 61-year-old owner of the store then apparently grabbed a knife and stabbed the wounded robber in the back, authorities said.

An employee at the store Tuesday declined to comment about the robbery.

This guy was determined to RAM ssomething.

Cops: Man Rammed SUV Into Convenience Store to Steal Condoms

OCALA, Fla. — An Ocala man appears to have gone above and beyond the call of duty in his commitment to safe sex.

Police say 37-year-old John R. Herdmann repeatedly rammed his sport utility vehicle into the front door of a convenience store early Thursday morning, ran inside and then stole two packs of Trojan condoms.

Herdmann was gone by the time police arrived, but he was found a short time later hiding in some bushes. Police identified him as the man who broke into the store using surveillance footage.

Herdmann was arrested and charged with commercial burglary and petty theft. He was released on $5,250 bail.

A phone message left Friday with a listing for Herdmann was not immediately returned.

Mr. Obama Is that a snorkel in your hand or are you just glad to see me?

Things You Don't Want To Hear During Surgery

Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.

Someone call the janitor and tell him to bring a mop.

Wait a minute. If this is his spleen, what's that?

Hand me that... uh... that uh... thingie.

Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before?

Rats, there go the lights again...

Ya know, there's big money in kidneys. Heck, the guy's got two of 'em.

Stand back! I lost a contact.

Could you stop that thing from beeping? It's throwing off my concentration!

What's this doing here?

That's cool! Now can you make his leg twitch?!

I should have brought my glasses.

Well, folks, this will be an experiment for all of us.

Sterile, shcmeril. The floor's pretty clean, right?

Anyone see where I left that scalpel?

Okay, now take a picture from this angle. This is truly a freak of nature.

Nurse, did this patient sign the organ donation card?

Don't worry. I think it's sharp enough.

She's gonna blow! Everyone take cover!

Rats! Page 47 of the manual is missing!

FIRE! FIRE! Everybody out!

Max! MAX! Come back with that! Bad Dog!

Oh, no! Anybody seen my Rolex?

I hate it when there's stuff missing.

What do you mean he wasn't in for a sex change?!

And now, I'll remove the subject's brain and place it in the body of the ape.

This patient has already had kids, right?

What do you mean, "You want a divorce?!"

"Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness!"

Oops.

Let me ask your opinion, nurse...

I thought we started with four clamps?

Has anyone ever seen one of these?

What do you mean, it's upside down?

Oh, man! I think I'm gonna be sick.

This is what happens when cousins marry.

You think we can sew it back on?

Put on Dr. Kevorkian's new CD.

Is that supposed to be yellow?

I learned that when I studied to be a vet.

Not bad for someone who failed med school.

What does the AMA know? I still think I can do it.

Whoa. Maybe I shouldn't have gotten so drunk last night.

Does Tab A go into Slot C or Slot F?

They never let us practice on real people in med school.

That proves aliens have taken over our bodies.

He looks like my ex-wife's attorney. The one who got her the house, the car, the money... he even got her!

Don't worry, he'll never know. He's out!

Okay, make a wish and pull.

So that's what a girl looks like!

Back in a minute. Gotta put more money in the meter.

What he doesn't know won't hurt us.

Uh, ya want fries with that?

Who ordered the pepperoni?

Tilt that TV this way. I can't see the game.

Poor guy. Maybe we should give him a sex change.

The voices in my head keep telling me not to do this.

I think my Alzheimers is getting... uh...

Oh, yeah? If you think you're so good, you do it!

How come this patient has both sex organs?

CLEAR!!

Credit goes to www.funny-haha.co.uk

A Yankee Fan Till The Very End.

Puerto Rico corpse kept upright for 3-day wake

A Puerto Rican man has been granted his wish to remain standing - even in death.

A funeral home used a special embalming treatment to keep the corpse of 24-year-old Angel Pantoja Medina standing upright for his three-day wake.

Dressed in a Yankees baseball cap and sunglasses, Pantoja was mourned by relatives while propped upright in his mother's living room.

His brother Carlos told the El Nuevo Dia newspaper the victim had long said he wanted to be upright for his own wake: "He wanted to be happy, standing."

Here's the entire story.

Make Big Money At Big Money U!!!

And The Parent Of The Year Award Goes To...

Police: Girl, 12, drove mom to bar

Associated Press

LONGVIEW, Texas - A Texas mother remained in jail Thursday after police said she made her 12-year-old daughter drive her to a bar.

Jennifer Lynn Rosenburg was arrested Wednesday and accused of child endangerment.

Police stopped a minivan Wednesday that had turned into a driveway without using a turn signal and then ran into the home at a low speed. The driver was Rosenburg's 12-year-old daughter, who said she had just dropped off her mother at a bar, police said.

Police found Rosenburg, 35, at the bar, and she admitted having her daughter drive her there, according to a police report.

She remained in the Gregg County Jail on Thursday night on a $2,500 bond. A jail official declined to say whether she had an attorney.

Child Protective Services is investigating, spokeswoman Shari Pulliam said in a story on the Longview News-Journal's Web site Thursday.

Make some money with this Back To School Widget!

Exactly How Much Training Do You Need?

School custodian Anthony Gower-Smith, 73, was awarded the equivalent of about $75,000 in June in London's High Court after suing Britain's Hampshire County government when he hurt himself falling off a 6-foot stepladder. Gower-Smith claimed that he had not been properly "trained" on how to use it, despite his long-time experience with such ladders, and despite his signed acknowledgment that he had indeed received training, and despite his having blamed himself just after he fell. (He disavowed the self-blame by saying that, at the time, he was woozy and didn't remember what he said.) [Daily Telegraph, 6-16-08; BBC News, 6-27-08]

Yea, but what about the car?????

UK Man Decapitates Self With Aston Martin DB7.
An inquest into the death of Welsh gym owner Gerald Mellin has found the businessman decapitated himself in his Aston Martin DB7 after an argument with his estranged wife. According to the court, Mellin tied one end of a rope to a tree, climbed into his DB7 and wrapped the other end around his neck. Mellin then jammed the pedal down on the $173,000 car, driving into a busy main road, forcing other drivers to watch his horrific death. Police found his headless body still in the driving seat and his head on the back seat. But what caused Millen to kill himself with such heinous vehicular methodology?

Well, according to Mrs Mellin:

"We had split up and been to court. He wanted me to walk away from the farmhouse and the business and leave me with nothing...so we met in a pub after a court hearing and he started having a tantrum. As we made our way back to our cars he opened the boot and said: "There's my rope, that's what I'm going to kill myself with." I told him to grow up and give me the rope. But he just laughed."

Apparently, the court also ruled the day before his death that Mrs Mellin would be awarded an extra £100 ($192.00) a week in maintenance from her husband. Umm, talk about a low bar to set for suicide, right?

Please Hold The Bubbles!

Video shows Burger King employee bathing in sink

XENIA, Ohio (WDTN) - Some workers at a Greene County restaurant are in hot water with the health department, after an employee took a bubble bath in a store sink.

It happened at the Burger King on Orange Street in Xenia.

A four-minute video posted on MySpace.com captured the employee, self-described as Mr. Unstable, bathing nude in a large stainless steel sink as several other employees and a store manager looked on.

The video began making its rounds on the Internet Monday morning. One of the recipients was Greene County Health Commissioner, Mark McDonnell.

"My first thought was oh my God," said McDonnell.

Here's the entire story.