You've gotta love Henry!

Mildred, the church gossip and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business. Several members did not approve of her extra curricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.

She made a mistake, however, when she accused Henry, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup truck parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon.

She emphatically told Henry and several others that everyone seeing it there would know what he was doing.

Henry, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just turned and walked away.

He didn't explain, defend, or deny. He said nothing.

Later that evening, Henry quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred's house . . . walked home . . . and left it there all night.

You have to love people like Henry.

I would rather poke myself in the eye, thanks.

Introducing Guy-liner and Manscara - the new metrosexual make-up just for men

By Dan Newling
Last updated at 10:25 PM on 28th July 2008

In an increasingly metrosexual world, perhaps it was just a matter of time. But yesterday a high street store announced that it would start stocking makeup designed just for men.

'Guy-liner' and 'Manscara' to enhance the eyes of the male in your life, will appear in Superdrug this week. Yesterday, the company's director of trading Jeff Wemyss insisted that its cosmetics - branded Taxi Man - are not just for transvestites. He said: "These days you can be macho and wear make-up. If you look at people like Russell Brand and Robbie Williams, they both wear make-up and they are both very red-blooded men.

'Men are more obsessed with their appearance than ever before. There is no longer any pain in being seen to be vain.'

Way To Go Gators!!!!! Florida Rules!!!!!

BYU again ranked most sober school in the country

July 28th, 2008 @ 3:34pm

GAINESVILLE, Fla. (AP) -- For the eleventh year in a row, Brigham Young University has been named the most "stone-cold sober" school in the country.

The ranking was part of the annual Princeton Review survey of 120,000 students released Monday.

The University of Florida was named best party school in the country. The Gators, known for wild celebrations following national championships in football and basketball, wrested the party title away from West Virginia University and beat out the University of Mississippi and Penn State University.

The Princeton Review is a New York company known for its test preparation courses, educational services and books and is not affiliated with Princeton University.

(Copyright 2008 by The Associated Press. All Rights Reserved.)

More proof that whales should not eat broccoli

Flatulent whales caught in the act

Discovery News

According to researchers the general rule that flatulence is worse than halitosis is also true for whales (AAD)

Scientists have photographed a giant gas bubble emanating from a whale, suggesting that flatulence is just as common for ocean mammals as it is for humans and many other terrestrial animals.

The picture, released last week by scientists from the Australian Antarctic Division (AAD) in Tasmania, was taken by the captain of a U.S. research ship the Nathaniel B. Palmer, while on expedition between Marguerite Bay and Palmer Station, Antarctica.

"The picture is of an Antarctic minke whale taken from the bow of a ship," said AAD principal research scientist Dr Nick Gales. "The white bits in the photo are pieces of ice-floe, the stream of pinky colour behind the whale is a faecal plume - a.k.a. "poo" - the large circle in the water is indeed the physical eruption of the whale's flatulence."

He and his colleagues are working to determine what it is that higher marine predators eat, and where they go to eat it. Instead of resorting to killing whales, the Australian Antarctic Division scientists have developed a method that allows them to collect whale faeces and study its DNA to figure out what the whale recently consumed.

The DNA work is linked to whale protection, since countries such as Norway, Iceland, and Japan have argued that whale numbers should be reduced to stabilise commercial fishing stocks.

That's my boy! A chip off the old block.

Boy exits child care, goes to Hooters
5-year-old safe after trek across busy road
By Donna Fielder / Staff Writer

A 5-year-old boy slipped out of the Imagination Station child care center unnoticed Tuesday afternoon, crossed two busy streets and wandered to a restaurant on the Interstate 35E service road in 100-degree heat.

Employees of Hooters found the child safe about 5:20 p.m. He left the child care center in the 2300 block of San Jacinto Boulevard, crossed the Interstate 35E northbound service road and Dallas Drive, bought a soft drink at a service station and walked to Hooters, where an employee found him in the parking lot and called police.

Deborah Pugh, who owns the child care business, said Wednesday that the boy asked to go to the bathroom and then slipped out a fire exit door, which must, by law, remain unlocked.

Here's the full story.

I refuse to believe this. It can't possibly be true.

Call The Cable Guy, Again.
By Cecilia Kang Washington Post Staff Writer
Wednesday, July 23, 2008; Page D01

Kenneth Bayes's request to Comcast was routine. He was moving his family from Fairfax to a new townhouse in Haymarket and wanted to transfer his bundled television, Internet and phone services.

A specialist for customers moving to new homes took the order and said all systems were go and everything would be up and running the day after his move in April.

After five weeks, 20 calls, a day off work and three visits that ended without any idea why Bayes couldn't get service, Comcast found the solution to this head-scratcher of a problem: The company hadn't run cable lines to Bayes's house.

Here's the full story.

Moon-walker claims alien contact cover-up

Former NASA astronaut and moon-walker Dr Edgar Mitchell - a veteran of the Apollo 14 mission - has stunningly claimed aliens exist. And he says extra-terrestrials have visited Earth on several occasions - but the alien contact has been repeatedly covered up by governments for six decades.

Dr Mitchell, 77, said during a radio interview that sources at the space agency who had had contact with aliens described the beings as 'little people who look strange to us.' He said supposedly real-life ET's were similar to the traditional image of a small frame, large eyes and head.

Chillingly, he claimed our technology is "not nearly as sophisticated" as theirs and "had they been hostile", he warned "we would be been gone by now". Dr Mitchell, along with with Apollo 14 commander Alan Shepard, holds the record for the longest ever moon walk, at nine hours and 17 minutes following their 1971 mission.

"I happen to have been privileged enough to be in on the fact that we've been visited on this planet and the UFO phenomena is real," Dr Mitchell said. "It's been well covered up by all our governments for the last 60 years or so, but slowly it's leaked out and some of us have been privileged to have been briefed on some of it.

Here is the rest of the story.

SnagFilms Offers Free Instant Streaming and Viral Sharing of Hundreds of Documentary Films

Ad Revenue Shared With Filmmakers, Viewers Connected To Causes

At a time when independent documentary films are experiencing a creative boom, yet theatrical distribution channels have gone bust, the beta launch today of SnagFilms helps both independent filmmakers and iconic production companies – and the audiences that want to see their movies.

SnagFilms (www.snagfilms.com) was created to address the bottleneck in distribution for quality documentaries that has left many great films unable to reach their potential audience or to provide a viable financial return. It also offers established media companies with deep libraries a way of getting “long-tail” documentaries out of the vaults and before a worldwide, on-demand audience.

Founded by Ted Leonsis, AOL Vice Chairman Emeritus and producer of award-winning documentary films; backed by Leonsis, AOL co-founder and Revolution LLC Chairman Steve Case, and venture capitalist Miles Gilburne; and led by industry veterans, SnagFilms brings the best nonfiction films to a global web audience, promotes viral web distribution through virtual movie theater widgets, and encourages users to engage with the films’ issues and supporter communities. At launch, more than 250 films are available for immediate streamed playback, requiring no software downloads, sign-ups or waiting, and an additional 200 films, already under contract, will be added by mid-August.

The new service features award-winning titles from some of the greatest names in documentary film production and distribution, including PBS, National Geographic, United Nations, Sundance Preserve, IndiePix, Peter Jennings Productions, Arts Alliance America, ITVS, Koch Lorber Films, and many others. (See below for a list of participating libraries, and a sample roster of the films available for immediate viewing.) Many of the most prominent documentary filmmakers are participating not only by having their films distributed via SnagFilms, but by engaging with their audience through blogs and offering special “bonus” material, as well as suggesting nonprofit organizations that viewers motivated by these films can link to and support via charitable contributions, volunteering or spreading the word.

Hailstones shot me off the bowl

SHOCKED Martin Bierbauer was blasted off the toilet when a torrent of golf ball-sized hailstones exploded from the bowl.

They zoomed up the U-bend when local drains got blocked with the pieces of ice during a storm. Martin, 45, of Eisen-stadt, Austria, said: “I heard the pipes rumbling — then out came the hailstones. It was like a popcorn machine.”

Here's the full story.

Only In South Florida!

Police: Fort Pierce woman allegedly attacked crack-smoking boyfriend with toilet seat

This toilet seat has seen it's fair share of crack.

The 2008 ESPYs Unwrap This Year's Gift Bag Given to Presenters and Nominees

Presenters at The 2008 ESPYs to Include Lance Armstrong, David Beckham, Kristen Bell, Sophia Bush, and Zac Efron; Nominees to Include Tiger Woods, Candace Parker, Brett Favre, Venus Williams, and Kobe Bryant

The 2008 ESPYs co-presented by HUMMER and UnderArmour unwrap this year's gift bag. Honoring the past year in sports at The 2008 ESPYs (Sunday, July 20, 2008 at 9:00 PM/EDT on ESPN and ESPN HD), presents and nominees will receive exclusive luxury items created especially with them in mind.

The 2008 ESPYs Gift Bag thus far!

Amadeus Spa
AlcoMate Premium Breathalyzer
Amadeo Decada
Ancestry.com
Bedandbreakfast.com
Blush Bags
Bobbi Brown
Bosch
Breeders Cup
Campus Quilt
Canvasondemand.com
Chipotle
Chumby
Deanna Zaccari
DeBrand Chocolates
Del Sol
Dirt Devil
Disneyland Tickets
Disney on Broadway
Econation
Flowershop.com
Hasbro Games
Hasbro Toys
Hot Rod Putter
iGourmet
iHome
Invicta Watches
Ironkey
Johnston & Murphy
Klipsch
L.A. Vie L'Orange
LARABAR
Live Scribe
Marchon Eyewear
Margaritaville(R) Frozen Concoction(TM) Maker
Mitchell & Ness
Murad
Nimble Fitness
Oregon Scientific
Pacific Palms Golf Course
Parajumpers
Phyto
Revolution
Richard Petty Experience
Rock 'n' Roll Fantasy Camp
Rosetta Stone
Ruth's Chris Steakhouse
Salt Works Jeans
Sea Spa Santa Barbara
Shari's Berries
Skin Care for Athletes
Smashbox
Sports Club LA
Stress Eraser
Subway
The Shave
The Standard
Three Designing Women
Timberland
Trapp Private Garden Candles
Under Armour
Yamaha BodiBeat
Yogaworks
Zaca Mesa Winerey
Zirh

For more information on any of these products, please visit www.espn.com, keyword: gift bag.

Not suitable for young children!

The dark knight prepares to squirt out evil.

The Red Hot Tampa Bay Rays

Akinori Iwamura, Evan Longoria, Carl Crawford & Troy Percival – On the Cover of Latest ESPN The Magazine

The Tampa Bay Ray’s are finishing up the first half of the MLB season pinned as a major contender for the fall classic. In the July 14, 2008 issue of ESPN The Magazine, “Remember That Cute Little Team from Tampa Bay That Everyone Used to Beat on?,” writer Steve Wulf reports on the once MLB doormats (nine basement finishes in 10 years) to the team nobody wants to mess with – all the through the eyes of their most loyal fan – Raymond Ray the mascot.

In “Brandon Webb is Busy Resting,” Buster Olney hit the road to shadow the Diamondbacks righthander for six days. Olney writes, “Webb is as laid back as a seventh-inning stretch in spring training.” Webb, baseball’s winningest pitcher this season, gives fans a day-to-day look at how he keeps his cool between starts.

Fans can go to ESPNthemag.com for all-access footage of The Magazine’s road trip with Brandon Webb.

Word of wisdom from George Carlin.

Rest in Peace George. You made us laugh and that is a good thing!

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets aren't going as ghosts but as mattresses?

If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him ... is he still wrong?

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

Is there another word for synonym?

Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice?"

Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"

What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?

How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.

To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated, but not be able to say it.

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

The older you get, the better you realize you were.

Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.

Women like silent men; they think they're listening.

Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

Do pediatricians play miniature golf on Wednesdays?

Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?

If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?

Life As We Know It.

On the first day, God created the dog and said:

'Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.'

The dog said: 'That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?'

So God agreed.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said:

'Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a 20 year life span.'

The monkey said: 'Monkey tricks for 20 years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back 10 like the dog did?'

And God agreed.

On the third day, God created the cow and said:

'You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of 60 years.'

The cow said: 'That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for 60 years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?'

And God agreed again.

On the fourth day, God created man and said:

'Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you 20 years.'

But man said: 'Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my 20, the 40 the cow gave back, the 10 the monkey gave back, and the 10 the dog gave back, that makes 80, okay?'

'Okay,' said God, 'You asked for it.'

So that is why for our first 20 years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next 40 years we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next 10 years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last 10 years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

And that my friend is life as we know it.