UM Moving To Dolphin Stadium

And it's about time. Don't get me wrong 25 years ago I had season tickets in the Orange Bowl and it was a horrible armpit of a place to watch a game back then. My wife and I attended a UM game 2 years ago and things had not changed. No place to park, inadequate restrooms. Seats with poor views of the field. We left at halftime. Click here for the full story.

Annoying Things To Do On An Elevator

1) CRACK open your briefcase or handbag, peer Inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"
2) STAND silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.
3) WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.
4) GREET everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.
5) MEOW occasionally.
6) STARE At another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM" - and back away slowly
7) SAY -DING at each floor.
8) SAY "I wonder what all these do?" And push all the red buttons.
9) MAKE explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
10) STARE, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."
11) WHEN the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"
12) TRY to make personal calls on the emergency phone.
13) DRAW a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."
14) WHEN there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.
15) PUSH the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
16) ASK if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.
17) HOLD the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"
18) DROP a pen and wail until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"
19) BRING a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.
20) PRETEND you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the Passengers.
21) SWAT at flies that don't exist.
22) CALL out "Group hug" then enforce it.

On My Way To The Manistee

The Manistee River in Michigan, runs approximately 232 miles through the northern Lower Peninsula, through the villages of Sharon, Smithville, Mesick, and enters Lake Michigan at Manistee. It is considered, like the nearby Au Sable River, to be one of the best trout fisheries east of the Rockies. The river rises in the sand hills in southeastern Antrim County, on the border with Otsego County, about six miles southeast of the town of Alba. These deep glacial sands provide it with a remarkably stable flow of clean cold water year round, making it a popular river for fishing as well as canoeing. Over the course of its length, it drops in elevation from around 1300 feet to 582 feet, with an average stream gradient of about 2.9 feet per mile.

I'll be fly fishing mostly for steelhead with my wifes brothers Mike, Steve and Gordon. This is my first trip to the area and targeting steelhead. If anyone has any tips please post them ASAP. My brothers in law are great guys and I'm looking forward the fishing, bullshiting, and drinking. But most of all I'm looking forward to getting away and just relaxing for a while.

You Know Your Getting Old When...

I was recently flipping through an issue of Rolling Stone magazine and was suddenly reminded why I rarely read this particular publication. There staring at me on page 52 was was one of those unwelcome reminders I get so often. You know the kind. The ones that scream in your ear, "You getting to be an old mother fucker!"

The reminder came in the image of a photo of legendary guitarist Eric Clapton looking surprisingly like my 78 year old Dad, shortly before he died. Bad hat, plaid shorts and a camera around his neck, standing next to... are you ready for this... Johnny Winter. That's right legendary rocker and blues guitarist Johnny Winter, looking surprisingly like my Dad after his death.

So I went to the official Johnny Winter website and surprise, surprise all of the photos of him are about 20 years old, still looking like a real rock and roller. Even more surprising is he still has the strength to tour as well. The website goes on to state Johnny was born in 1944 making him 63... a really old looking 63. His brother Edgar would now be 60 and still tours as well.

But my cowboy hat is off to this great Texan but do me a favor and grow the beard and the long hair (if possible) back.

One Very Funny Dude/Ape!

His name is John Hulse and aside from being a very talented artist he is also one of the funniest writers around. I mean Carl Hiaasen and Tim Dorsey funny. On his Vox Page he goes by "Mr Knuckles" Be sure you go into his April 2007 achieve and read his post titled "Hotdoll for Hotdogs?" It's fall out of your chair funny.Click here to view his page it's well worth your time.

Or better yet just click here for a direct link to the post.

Jesus Christ It's Just A Smudge!

As I write this I'm eating meatloaf for my lunch. And it occurs to me that if I could somehow get the image of Jesus to appear on my ground meat I could make a fortune. It all started with the now famous grilled cheese sandwich that sold for thousands on ebay. Now a family in Virginia is offering is offering a piece of the garage floor that by their estimate contains the image of Jesus Christ. It's of course now on ebay with a bid of $1500. So I'm thinking if not my meatloaf, maybe a coffee stain that resembles the Virgin Mary, or maybe the image of Jesus in the form of a bug splattered on my windshield. I'd sell the whole windshield, no problem.
Click here for the entire bizarre story.

Somethings Fishy About This Spa.

A newly emerged “fish spa” is becoming fashionable in many hot spring resorts, and has attracted even more customers, all curious about this peculiar treatment.

At such a spa, many Garra Rufa, a type of small tropical fish, also nicknamed Chinchin Yu, nibble fish or simply doctor fish, are put in hot springs. As they can live and swim freely in at least 43-degree waters, they are naturally used for the treatment of skin diseases in such spas.

When placed in the spa, these fish can feed themselves on the dead cells of the human body, since they only consume such cells, leaving the healthy skin of the human body to grow. The whole process is reportedly free of pain. It won’t hurt and the bather might feel a pleasant tingling on his or her skin.

The fish species are often found in the river basins in the Middle East, including Syria, Iraq, Iran and Turkey, and thus is also called Turkish Fish. It is legally protected from commercial exploitation in Turkey due to concerns over harvesting for export.

In 2006, the first Asian Doctor Fish spa resort opened in Hakone, Japan. These fish are used to clean the feet of the bathers at the spa. Recently, such spas become fashionable in resorts in China and South Korea.

No Booze For You!

I've spent a lot of time in the state of Alabama. As a matter of fact my great, great grandfather founded the town of Enterprise. As a family we spent every summer there at my grandmothers house immediately next to the old courthouse. So it doesn't surprise me that the Norther town of Athens AL wants a return to prohibition. That's right no booze. Zero, nada, nothing. The local church leaders are asking members to fast and pray in support of the ban. Like Jesus really cares if this silly ballot passes. Don't they know he has more pressing issues? Anyway follow this link for the entire story.

The Sandwich As Art?

I take a certain amount of pride in my sandwich making abilities. My BLT is beautiful, my PB&J is magnificent and my turkey and swiss is just incredible. But I must admit this guy has it all over me. You need to check out these beautiful sandwiches.

Click here for all the photos.

Burn Baby Burn!

It's a well know fact that many states here in the U.S. are plagued with a mosquito problems. Here is Florida they grow as big as small birds. In fact there are so many of them that the state of Florida has given them large tracks of land to live on. They're call mosquito impoundments. It's also true that many of these pesky little bugs carry very severe, even deadly virus'. So I can almost...almost sympathize with this woman who burned her house down because she was so sick of dealing with the problem bugging her (sorry). Click here for the full story.

Ten Reasons Gay Marriage Is Un-American

1. Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.

2. Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.

3. Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.

4. Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.

5. Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Britany Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.

6. Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children.

7. Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.

8. Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.

9. Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.

10. Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.

Are You A Complete Tool?

I stumbled on this great little website today. www.magnificentbastard.com/features/toolbag

Check to see if you are in fact a complete tool.

William C. Ballard 10/03/28 — 07/31/07

William Carl Ballard

Shannon, MS - William Carl Ballard, 78, died Tuesday July 31, 2007 at his home in Shannon Mississippi. He was born October 3, 1928 in Tupelo Mississippi to the late Carl and Lurline Whitlock Ballard. He grew up in Alabama and lived in Prattville and Aliceville. He graduated from Aliceville High School and the University of Alabama, earning a bachelor of science degree and a master of science degree in bacteriology. He joined the U.S. Army and retired as a lieutenant colonel in 1979. During his working career he was the laboratory director of Good Samaritan Hospital in West Palm Beach, FL and was named Medical Technologist of the year in the State of Florida in 1968. He was president of the Florida Division of American Society of Medical Technologists and was appointed by the Governor of Florida to two terms on the Advisory Council for Licensure of Medical Technologists. He was a member of the South Green Street Baptist Church, Alpha Chi Sigma chemistry fraternity, Theta Xi social fraternity, Masonic Lodge No. 81 F&AM of Pontotoc and the Pontotoc County Shrine Club. He enjoyed watching football on T.V. and reading.

Survivors include his wife of 10 years, Lillene Terry Ballard, whom he married Nov. 7, 1997: two sons, Michael Ballard (Lynnette of West Palm Beach, Fla, and Mark Ballard of Vero Beach, Fla; one daughter, Jane Ben-Hashal (Guri) of Marietta, Ga.; three brothers Paul Ballard (Ruth Jane) of Conyers, Ga., and Carl Ballard (Brenda) and Carly Ballard (Patcy). both of Shannon; six sisters Sally Harrison (Bill) of Fayette, Alabama, Ruth Bruce (Wilburne) of Tupelo, Mary Gordon (Chester) of New Albany, Pat Warren of Saltillo, Judy Gregory of Hemitage Tenn. and Charlene Centanni (Anthony) of Thibodaux La., four grandchildren, Matthew and Eric Ballard of West Palm Beach and Arielle and Nette Ben-Hashal of Marietta Ga., along with numerous nieces and nephews.

He was preceded in death by his parents; two brothers; two sisters; his wife Ruth Carmichael Ballard, on October 16, 1996; and a stepdaughter, Barbara McCauley.

Memorials may be made to the Sanctuary Hospice House, P.O. Box 2177, Tupelo, MS 38803.